AWKWARD TURTLE

This blog documents the highs and lows, embaressing and HILARIOUSLY embaressing events in my life.

Have been compared to Miranda, without the puddings as I am allergic to wheat. HAAA NOT EASY

ALL EVENTS ARE ENTIRELY FACTUAL

BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

I have previously...

Had a banana thrown at my head, which I then enjoyed as a break time snack.

Had a near death experience in which I got stuck between two boats.

Fallen off the bus.

Got stuck halfway up a mountain and had to be helped by a kind stranger.

Been compared to Bison (google it).

Flashed the entire world

Stood up to make an announcement in front of entire school with skirt tucked into my tights.

Come to the conclusion I will die alone and be eaten by cats.

Pretended I was a Forensic Scientist in a Journalism Lecture.

Fallen over in a club

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Sunday, 23 October 2011

On the beach

So far I have managed to successfully finish my Ucas, and complete one of my many too many homework's.

Right now I am sitting on a beautiful beach in Norfolk pondering life.

The conclusion I have drawn is that life is exhausting. Not only is living exhausting but living life without being a failure is all the more tiring.

I mean...

We as humans are expected more from than ever before throughout the whole of history!

I mean my school motto is Aim Higher for goodness' sake!

My demanding parents have arrived

Love u bye xxx

Saturday, 8 October 2011

UCAS SCARES ME

Often I think to myself...



If I'm finding UCAS that hard to complete, why on earth do I think I am clever enough to go and study a degree at University???

Trying to complete now with VERY poor predictions...

:(

hmmmm...

I will ring Unis tomorrow.

However on up side I found a really cool thing on my computer called "sticky notes" under Accesories;

LITERALLY computer post it notes!!!

AMAZING

:D

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Always a winner

So I'm the girl who always takes part but always fails.

Take cross country for example.

I just competed at district level yet came last.

As in all the years below competing aged 11 in some cases- beat me by a significant amount.

AWKWARD

the same feeling as I experience when struggling to tackle a Red route whilst skiing when all of a sudden several four year olds zoom past triumphantly.

This also occurred in inter house cross country where I came 22 out of 32.

My friend who I train with came sixth.

HAAAHA FAIL

to be fair, I still do it because it's fun and I still feel a sense of achievement at the fact I took part at all....a few years ago I never ever would have.

Also I am better at long distance running....this was literally sprinting

Someone asked me if I had studs!

I thought studs were only for Rugby and Football!!!

LOL

but I still feel good.

Therefore I am always a winner! :D

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

SCARRED FOR LIFE

Just walked into the FAMILY study to find my younger brother...

watching a video of a naked woman

having a wank

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY WHY WHY WHY

my mum sits there to do office work!

one of the top ten worst moments of my life

AWKWARD

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

GuiltyConscience101

Managed to thoroughly piss off not one but two people today. Not good.

First I decided to open my humungous mouth and tell everyone that the song for inter house music was horrific.

Not realising the person running that event was standing literally RIGHT BEHIND ME

AWKWARD TURTLE

Then was attempting to tease a moody teenage boy. MISTAKE

tried to make it up to him by gently caressing his back. MISTAKE

Was ABSOLUTELY PARRED on both accounts!!!

Tonight I will go to bed with a guilty conscience :(

Monday, 19 September 2011

The Rules of Napping

Do Ten/twenty minute naps actually work?

Are they refreshing or do they just make you more tired?

SO TIRED....

Sunday, 18 September 2011

"Good Retrieving" cough

Flustered, embaressed and angry, I find myself running across the park to a cross looking dog owner.

This dog owner is quite cross because he is holding my naughty puppy forcefully by the collar, whilst muttering under his breadth, "bastard". Meanwhile my trusty doggy friend is attempting to struggle out of his grip so she can sprint off, away from her lead and towards someone more exciting, preferably with a bottom she can sniff.

This is bad enough when I am walking the dog alone.

When, however, I am walking the dog with my slightly pious friend, whose perfect Collie never leaves her side and returns at the utterance of its name, the embaressment and frustration at the uselessness of my own, rather less intelligent dog becomes almost too much to bare. 

I wonder if this is how parents feel at sports day when their child comes last in every race by a good ten minutes?

I find myself, despite my anger, defending my dog against superior looks, arguing that "shes really very young", and "would never hurt a fly..shes just a bit dippy"....albeit slightly half-heartedly after twenty minutes of hollering her name.

My dog is much prettier anyway. 



Sunday, 20 March 2011

Monday, 17 January 2011

The ELITE.....and me

Like most people, I like to think I excel at things.....

at least ONE thing

so I go to competive swimming club COSTA...don't know whether familiar

anyways its VERY hard going.

There are two lanes...

one is the lane for learners...the babies, the pregnant, the unfit, the less serious competitors.

LANE ONE


THEN theres a lane for what I like to call...

heee heee har har (angelic godly jingle)

THE ELITE

they are crazy good!

they can do SIX LENGTHS IN FOUR MINUTES

they all have six packs

are amazing


LANE TWO
"THE ELITE"

LAP ME sometimes THREE times

THREE TIMES

its embarrassing!

so there I am...

attempting to be in lane two

FAILING miserably

when we climb out...

The elite are graceful like dolphins

I am like a BEACHED WHALE

flashing all OVER the place

ive got my first EVER Gala this Saturday...where EVERYONE WILL LAUGH AT ME

because I CANT SWIM

and we'll be timed!!


ME :/
having fun
LOL

AND butterfly is one of the strokes which

NO JOKE

I CAN'T DO

AHHHH!

IM SCARED!!

Mis-understandings of a teenage drama queen

ME
As readers of this blog, you should know that im prone to embarrassing myself more than the average person.



I tend to get very defensive and nervous...some may say paranoid (debatable) about people saying things behind my back, and often will mishear something, COMPLETELY get the wrong end of the stick, and react with disastrous (and then later embarrassing) consequences.

In fact....COINKADINK this very thing happened on Saturday night.

So.... I was at a house party with a lot of cool people....some friends who know of my clumsy and embaressing ways....but quite a lot of people who...

WELL

basically scary, intimidating lads who were expelled from school and told they couldn't come back in year 12 because they were too badly behaved.

now, a lot of my friends were friends with them before they left, but unfortunately it has taken me a while to grow out of being a chubby social reject who everyone thought was weird,into an actually fairly cool (albeit under the radar) sometimes respected (HA!) individual.

Therefore i was never previously MASSIVE fans of the scariest (or what appears to be) teenage boys in the WORLD

Anyway, i did my best to not be too intimidated. (i.e. hid upstairs alone)

It got to midnight. My dad, who like the rest of us, can get VERY stroppy late at night, had agreed to give a few friends lifts home.

for a while previously i had been searching for my friends, but attempting to round up teenagers under the influence of various substances at midnight is NEVER an easy task.

it was a while after twelve. I was getting hysterical.....i couldnt find anyone and my Dad gets SOOOO moody and stressed :(

i ranted at scary intimidated boys and others

they told me to go away (in rather more PUNGEANT language!!!! e.g ****)

I ran off with friends crying and generally hysterical.

And so passes the rest of the weekend.

Monday.

A friend who was present at the time tells me that i MISHEARD...DUN DUN DERRR

and that ACTUALLY the boys were being lovely and saying why didnt i tell my DAD to go away??!!

apparently at the time everyone was wondering why i was crying and basically couldn't understand why i was being SUCH A RETARD

HOW EMBARRASSING

cringe cringe cringe

couldn't show my face in the common room for a while



CRINGE FACTOR 1 MILLION

TIMES 10!!

Saturday, 8 January 2011

"Blond as angels"

Today we are going to visit some family friends.

They are lovely, kind, wonderful people, we love them all very much.

The only thing is, its hard not to be VERY envious of them.....
they are all very blond...

beautiful,

slender,

could all be in Vogue as the perfect family shoot tomorrow no problem

The children are all stunning, go to private schools, excel in EVERYTHING, you can imagine.

Even the dog is perfect! (and blonde)

every time i go i feel so hopeless!

if you know anyone you feel the same way about, please let me know!

We're seeing them today and taking our undertrained badly behaved puppy, who im sure will jump up, bite them all, run off on walks, ignore us, make a mess...

ALL whilst their perfect dog is wonderfully obedient, coming back immediately, being calm and gentle, all whilst jumping through a hoop of fire and walking along a trapeze.


but they are lovely!

im sure this weekend will have many a funny tale to tell....

New year, New me...........

Hi there, long lost followers!

Im very sorry that ive been TERRIBLE about updating my blog recently, but, well....

TO BE HONEST.....

I havn't actually done anything majorly exciting for a while, and somehow managed to avoid any major embaressing events!

Instead of partying hard over christmas, I stayed at home and worked through some of my coursework, revision, and other tasks. I also saw a lot of family and relatives, but didn't do anything exemplary or interesting in any way, apart from aquire a holiday tummy through an EXTROARDINARY amount of food!

no but REALLY



my tummy would be so bloated and full i would actually be in physical pain, then someone would offer me delicious chocolates............

it was a DISASTER

but thankfully my eating habits are almost back to normal now so thats all good.

Any new years resolutions?

1.not be too hard on myself...be kinder

2. Try and be efficient with tasks i have to do but don't want to (FAILING so farr!)

3. try and control my major mood swings, as i tend to go from happy and jovial to wanting to kill you within five seconds!

Ill be keeping you updated on how im dealing with all of these new year resolutions throughout, but i have a feeling i will fail them.

 mmmmmm that chocolate cheesecake was SO good!


so yeah....

NEW YEAR NEW ME

kind of

peace out

Mothers-what WOULD we do with out them??

I love my mum.

She is so wise... kind, thoughtful, caring, helpful

sometimes naggy and annoying

but mostly a benefit

ALSO she makes what i think are MASSIVE issues seem very small!

BIG UP to all you wonderful mummys out there....



The world is a better place with you in it :)